3rd
08 -
2011
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Overprotective parenting styles
Overprotective parenting styles often occur with anxious, first-time parents who are nervous about their child taking any risks.
Examples include sending their child to bed earlier than most of his peers, rescuing their child from minor squabbles, dressing their child and tying their shoes, dissuading him from trying out for the football team because he is “thin-boned”, discouraging him from asking a girl to the dance because he cried when a girl rejected him last time, dissauding him from attending college away from home, etc.
All your child knows is that he is treated differently and his friends call him “baby.”
Essentially, the message found in overprotective parenting styles says “You’re just not strong enough to handle this.” I understand that parents do this unintentionally, but they must nonetheless be aware of the unspoken messages they are relaying to their children.
By all means protect your child, but not at the expense of their autonomy. Allow your child to grow and learn by taking risks and making their own mistakes.
Permissive Parenting Styles
Permissive parenting styles are most often caused by not setting clear boundaries. The reasons may vary: Perhaps some parents want to overcompensate for their own negative childhood and are less willing to risk looking like the “bad guy.” Perhaps parents feel guilty that they work all the time and want whatever time they can spend with their child to be free from conflict and therefore let their child get away with more than other children.
Some parents simply want to be their child’s best friend, and forget that they are parents that need to set limits.
The result of permissive parenting styles is that there is a difference between constructive and destructive freedom. Constructive freedom allows children to be creative and autonomous with the knowledge that their parents are guiding the journey. Destructive freedom removes much of the safety net while the child takes risks which can result in children getting hurt because no one was there to set limits.
For example, self-expression in children is to be encouraged, but talking back to their teacher is not.
To these parents I emphasize that not setting guidelines hurts rather than helps their children. Also, it gives their children an insecure feeling that they are running the show instead of their parents.
A child feels most secure when they feel that their parents are present and protecting them, and that includes setting healthy boundaries.
Critical Parenting Styles
As a therapist, I often help heal the damage caused by critical parenting styles and do my best to discourage this behavior in parents.
Parents frequently tell me that they think their children have it too easy and need to be pushed hard to help prepare them for adulthood, and require a good swift kick in the butt when they slack off.
Of course helping your child to prepare for the demands of adulthood is important, but constantly sending the cynical message that life is hard tarnishes your relationship and delivering that message in a harsh manner confuses the child and makes them wonder whether their value and your love are conditional upon performance. (Do not forget to mention that life is also meant to be enjoyed! It is important to give your child something to look forward to!)
While you want your son or daughter to live up to their potential, you do not want them to develop ulcers if they return home with an “F” on a 4th grade spelling quiz, fearing that you may hit or disown them. They need to know that you want them to do their best, but your love is unconditional and you will be there for them win or lose.
It is important that you teach that distinction now, for if you do not, they may later internalize the formula of inner worth being predicated upon outer performance and forever have an overcritical monkey on their backs.
This frequently leads to clinical depression because for the rest of their lives they will attempt to prove themselves through a better job, a higher salary, sporting achievements, or whatever they consider to be a “success” in their parents eyes.
This downward spiral can all be avoided by being reasonable and accepting that failing a test is not the end of the world. They already feel shame for failing, so don’t make it worse.
Rather, share your child’s disappointment, but reassure them of your love by encouraging them to try harder next time. By doing this you help them bolster their resilience.
Over time, they will begin to sense that their value comes from within and is not conditional on performance or achievements. They will understand that a loss today does not a loser make. As a result, their innate abilities will help them rise to the occasion next time and will yield a different result.
So, prepare your child for life, but do so with love and understanding, not harshness and cynicism.
3rd
08 -
2011
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comment closed
There are days that I watch the news and see tragedies involving children, and I want to hug my own daughter even tighter. Sometimes I see parents smacking their children around in a public place, and I want to smack the parents. It is a shame that people don’t have to pass a test or have to undergo training before they become parents. I remember the day that I brought this newborn baby home from the hospital, and never felt so lost or clueless. Eventually, instincts take over. Unfortunately, some people don’t seem to have those instincts.
The moment that I learned I was pregnant, I went crazy buying and reading parenting magazines. I subscribed to a few of them, looking forward to their arrival each month. There were so many articles about pregnancy and parenting, that I really started to get a sense of what it would be like being a parent. I loved the advice columns and humor sections. Some of the articles in the parenting magazines were so great and helpful, that I would cut them out. I might not need an article about temper tantrums until my unborn child hit two or three years old, but it was worth keeping. What I decided to do was get a shoebox and put all of the articles that were worth keeping inside of it. I usually found one article in each of the parenting magazines that was worth reading again in the future. I always cut out articles that deal with how to handle emergencies or illnesses. It never hurts to have them handy.
There are tons of parenting magazines in print right now. All you have do is walk into a large bookstore and glance at the racks of magazines. Some of them might not intrigue you in the least. Others will catch your attention and hold your interest greatly. No matter what age your child is, or if you’re merely in the stages of expecting, there are parenting magazines designed to aid you in gathering information on parenting. They aren’t how-to guides, as they don’t exist as much as we wish that they did, but they are there to help you with situations, advice and humor. It is always nice to read about other parents who are in the same shoes as I am when I feel so incredibly frustrated and alone.
If you just don’t want to buy parenting magazines
glance through some when you’re at the doctor’s office or in almost any waiting room. See if anything catches your attention. And if you happen to know someone who lacks some parenting skills, pass the parenting magazines along to them. Maybe they’ll take the hint.
1st
08 -
2011
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comment closed
Parents often say that they know what is best for their children. While this is true, parents must admit that there are times they are clueless as to how exactly they should care for or deal with their children. This is where resources on parenting, such as parenting magazine online, can be of great help.
Obviously, the advantage of parenting magazine online is that it is easily accessible. Since most homes today have access to the internet, all that parents have to do is go online and search for the parenting help or information they need. Parenting magazine online seeks to address all the important and common concerns of different types of parents.
There is a parenting magazine online for parents of babies, toddlers, adolescents, troubled teens, and special children since the demands of each differ. There is also a parenting magazine online that targets moms or dads only, single parents, separated parents, foster parents, step parents and teenage parents.
A parenting magazine online can be a purely internet medium or an online version of a printed publication. In the case of the latter, parents have the option to subscribe to a magazine which they can collect, go back to at any time or lend to other parents. One disadvantage of parenting magazine online is that when their content changes, the previous write-ups are deleted from the site, unless they are archived online.
Nevertheless, a parenting magazine online features a bigger advantage of providing free information, tips and advice on all sorts of parenting concerns. But most sites will feature a parent’s club that requires a membership fee. Of course, member parents get to enjoy special support, freebies, and special discounts on child products, for example.
Moreover, member parents get the opportunity to become part of an online community of fellow parents. Such a support group is an excellent source of inspiration, encouragement and confidence for many parents who are struggling with not only the practical aspect of parenting but also the emotional aspect of the experience.
Parenting magazine online is also an excellent way to get free advice from child and parenting experts such as pediatricians, nurses, and qualified counselors. Parents can get specialist advice on a wide range of health, safety and behavioral topics.
Find parenting articles, guidelines, how-to tips, recommendations and other useful information in a parenting magazine online. So, start browsing and begin learning how to become a better parent.
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